Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Holidaze: Constants, Cold Weather and Control

I attempted to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies a couple weeks ago.

And it failed.

Then I tried again this last week.

That batch failed, too.

Usually butter--and the question on whether or not melting it beforehand to make the hand-mixing go faster--is the culprit of these problems.

But, I digress.

I just wanted to feel holiday-y-ish-er-astic-(and other English adjective-creating suffixes as well).  But, like most times in which I really GO for the Christmas (I'm not Christian), Hanukkah (I'm not Jewish), or Saturnalia (I'm not from Saturn) celebration, it falls flat on its face.

Such is life.

There is so little we can have control over in this world, especially when the amount of people we're around and the opportunities for interactions you have no control over (and thus, don't want) seem to pop up that much more often.

It's sort of like a crash course of high school all over again, where insecurity reigns constant.  In fact, I can sum up my high school experience in one graph, simultaneously summarizing, visually, the definition of a mathematical constant:

But, this does not deter any of us from trying to experience the holidays in all their glory.  Or from trying to be around the family members, although it sometimes feels like you're tight-rope-walking the line between an emotional mine field and/or joy & relief at surviving without any awkward moments.

One is always glad to escape those moments.

I had one of those moments a few years back.

I'd like to share it with you now.

It was thanksgiving at my grandma's house (on my dad's side).

I had just sat down to eat.

And then,

I think I ended up actually defining the gay male population as having a higher GDP than the lesbian population due to regional hot spots in the Bay Area being more heavily populated by gay men as opposed to women, which landed me in a quandary of where to place bisexuals, which I then realized would throw off my entire theory of income levels within the queer community, and that's about when I started to flounder in my economic queer theory altogether as there was no way for me to fully categorize who or what or how we all are.*

I then decided to just drop the subject and eat turkey.

*This is proof that there never was, and never could be a Gay Agenda.  Unless you're counting Disney On Ice.  That was totally us.


Woo Update:

Be sure to bundle up as the weather gets cooler.

Woo does.


  1. Oh Beryl, I love you dearly! I whole heartedly support the gay agenda of putting more things on ice! And I'm pretty sure Woo just became an internet meme! OMG speaking of which...Rich (from p-psychology) does amazing things to his cats! http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/kitty_pride/ Now excuse me while I watch a cat ride around in a bike basket.

  2. Jen- Re: The Gay Agenda, speaking of, do you know about David Sedaris' book "Holidays on Ice" ? It's amazing. Rich's blog is awesome. I am now more informed about silicon testicles for cats than I ever thought possible.

    Amy- And that's literally how I remember it.

  3. our graphs for high school are similar in (average)slope, value, and geospacial coordinates, although I think if you zoomed into mine it'd resemble a seismograph....
    grandparents can be awesome like that.
    And woo rocks.

  4. kace ace--I have this image of insecurity going UP and down and UP and down AND UP AND DOWN AND UP (small insecure earthquake).

    It is my mission to make Woo a meme herself--I want to hear people walking down the street saying "WWWD?" aka "What would Woo do?" or "Just Woo it" The trouble is, I think both sayings, if taken seriously, would result in massive narcolepsy.

  5. The reason why gay men are rich is because they are men.

    So like, I'm gonna take the legend for pricey restaurants shit off Yelp for example:
    Man = $$
    Woman = $
    Man + Woman = $$$
    Woman + Woman = $$
    Man + Man = $$$$ DING DING DING

    (Although technically the pay scale would be more accurately reflected as something like... Man = $$$$$$$$$$, Woman = $$$$$$$)

    Now, in the city of gays, like San Francisco, there are more gay men than women. San Francisco is like a technology, finance, excellent-tasteful-interior-design driven economy.

    Typical male dominated fields are usually in industry, finance, technology, investment banking etc.

    Typical female dominated fields include education, social welfare, non-profit, etc.

    I think it's just gender economics really.

    But on a whole, gay people are wealthier because we don't have children.

    I mean, we don't have the whole, "oops, I got pregnant" drama.

    Breaking down the inequality basically calls for a whole reboot of our system.

    Which is why queer theory is interesting because it aims to break down the constructed gender constraints in society. If a boy wants to become a ballerina, then so be it, because some hot girl like Natalie Portman will dig that.

  6. Crystal, this is GENIUS.

    I seriously love the Yelp idea--can we just....can we just USE this format from now on to break down gender inequality? I hate to say it, but I think you're right, too. I think what also plays out in these constrictions of gender/biological makeup is that when women are ostracized they tend to get quiet and escape to other locations--when men get ostracized (because they ain't USED to it if they're privileged mama's boys) they get loud and obnoxious and in your face about it. I would say that when it comes to mixed gendered groups of minorities, you're more likely to see both speaking up.

    I don't know--these are my very, very, VERY generalized perceptions of how the queer community works. I honestly don't know enough people to really garner a true statistical study. Although, I am intrigued. In fact, I just had a conversation with my friend Rickey recently about this very subject. It went something like this:

    Beryl: Why ARE there so many more rich gay men than women?

    Rickey: Because women go into social work--they feel they have to save the world.

    Beryl: Ah, but then WE get resentful and angry for giving up our life to other people only.

    Rickey: And WE become superficial bastards who can't trust another gay man because we're all out for ourselves.

    I love how we're two young things who are already aware of this dichotomy, and are trying our best not to fall into the mess our fore-gay-fathers-and-mothers have left for us.

    I feel the urge to yell, "I blame gay society!" coming on.