Monday, December 27, 2010

Bag v. Woo: A Socio-Economic Christmas Story

If you don't know who Woo is yet, let me inform you:

There is more to her than meets the eye.

Anyway, I felt, in the name of celebrating the holiday season, it was necessary to relay a particular story from this year.

The Bag verses Woo.

It was the morning of the 25th, and my family being slightly more into the Christian-decorations (even though a "Christmas" tree is actually a pagan symbol but who's keeping track, really?) we celebrate the season by opening presents.  Woo was there, as she is an integral part to my family's peace of mind through the practice of comparison:  when life gets tough for her, she just sleeps it off.

In fact, if we were to put Woo's Life Guide into some sort of formal writ, it would probably go like this:

1. If you do something wrong, sleep it off.

2. If you are feeling under the weather, sleep it off.

3. Food.  How can life be bad if there's food?

4. If there is food and you can't get at it, stare.  Stare at whoever is not giving you food. Once you get food you don't need to stare anymore--unless there is more food to be eaten.

5. If you're still feeling under the weather, there's a chance that what you just ate wasn't food.
Sleep it off.

We try to emulate this in the Baker Family.  I think in general there is a lot to be said about a creature that gets so excited about the idea that we're going to just go somewhere--it doesn't matter the location, but the journey, the journey is so much an integral part to life.

That's pretty zen for an animal that has no short term memory.

Anyway, it was Christmas-We-Don't-Believe-Jesus-Was-Born-On-December-25th-In-This-Family-But-Are-Happy-To-Celebrate-Him morning, and we all got presents.  Even Woo.

What she got was a brown paper bag, but not just any bag--no.  It was a bag that had treats inside of it, bought at a local pet shop.

The trouble was, in our effort to include her in our ritual practice of unwrapping our presents, Woo was unequivocally left out:

                    Woo's Present Face.

There was a literal pause when she saw it.

Realizing it was unfair to assume opposable thumbs could evolve overnight, we unwrapped the ribbon around the top, leaving the bag's opening vulnerable to any nose longer than 3 inches.

But, wait.  THREE inches?

Woo was, yet again, discriminated against--and this time, not for lacking the ability to comprehend ritual and decorative religious practice and culture.  No, this time it was personal.  We were now torturing our pug.

She tried going to the back end of the bag, as her nose did at least inform her the goods were at the bottom, not at the top, where we had mistakenly placed an opening.

I saw a literal expression of dismay on her face as we all kept unwrapping presents, unaware of the pain she was experiencing.

So, she took up her Fourth Tactic of solving her problems, as described in the above Woo's Life Guide:


The staring, I think, was a bit misdirected at first due to the pain.

So, she redirected towards me and, well, I obviously wasn't helping.

She got it eventually though, her aim sharp and true, and this time directed at my mom.

That's when the Hand descended.

If Woo could understand 18th century economics, I think she would agree with Adam Smith that preferring domestic industry over foreign industry causes a betterment of society.  However, I think she would also feel that it is a very tangible, very visible hand that brings these beneficial changes about.

Aka:  go to mother(land) for sustenance, receive treat.

Mom even left it slightly in the bag, so that she could have the final triumphant feeling of pulling it out herself.

Which, sadly, even that took a little bit of work to do.


I tried to keep up with her, because at this point she turned and ran full-pelt away from us, so as to enjoy her victory all to herself:

It's funny how she reminds me SO much of Starburst Galaxy M82 just now:

But, way cuter in the physically friendly-to-earth kind of way.


p.s. Next installment:  Gas, aka The Other Thing Woo Has In Common With Stars


  1. I live my life by #3. Woo's got it right.

  2. You know the other day I didn't have any food--no groceries to be bought, no extra stuff lying around because it was the holidays and we had been feeding off of leftovers. Life felt...well, it was really bad for a good five minutes or so before I realized I could go get a burrito.

  3. ahaha! awww. I <3 Woo stories. Sorry we didn't get to do any Christmas-y stuff this year. Everything more or less snowballed at the end. Definitely will see you in the new year though! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  4. Moon-- I am sad that we didn't get to do christmas-craziness this year. However, I'm so stealing you for next Christmas and anything in between I find. Have you been to the SF exploratorium recently? I haven't. Wanna go? There are Free Tuesdays...

    LisaHB--She is quite the cutie. And quite good at dominating my blog, I must say.