Bad Behavioral Patterns At Their Best
For Part 1, click here.
Where Does Passive Aggression Come From?
While some Linguistics Fundamentalist peeps might disagree (they might also disagree with my use of the word 'peeps' as opposed to 'peoples'), I do believe that the way in which we communicate--not even the words, or the language in which we are speaking--but what meanings are sewn into the words and the phrases you've used since you were a child, inherently create the communication-scope we live within for the rest of our lives.
And then, of course, you have to take into account that each language has limitations and variability in it's ability to communicate given the different vocabulary, culture, and beliefs backing them. At last count, English has roughly 50,000 words in use (if you don't count the words that have twenty different meanings). That means we have a cap on what words we can use. And then, you have other exterior limitations: what words your family/friends use day to day, the idioms that have sentimental value, the latest fad vocabulary and what social cues are appropriate for each interaction, and ultimately, you.
You. And Only You.
When thinking about communication, you have to take into account that every individual's brain is different and thus, every individual experiences information differently. This is probably the most frightening thing for anyone who takes comfort in the idea that there are others just like you out there. Aka, you might have thought "I know this person will laugh their asses off when they see this!" and then upon viewing it they go, "I don't get it." And then your world shatters a bit, doesn't it? You thought you had the perfect replica of your brain at your fingertips only to be suddenly shocked back into the reality of having an individual brain: You really are alone in your thoughts.
But, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
And here is where I believe lies the Root of Passive Aggression: self-protection and respect.
What Am I, An Animal?
We praise ourselves as being separate from the animal world specifically because we got a big honkin' lobe or two that let us think a mile a minute. And even how much of that brain we use is up for debate:
So, this is how I break it down: Way back when, it became clear that if you piss off your fellow Homo Erectus (the scientific name for the animal we are all descended from--with that kind of a name I feel the scientists are trying to tell you Everyone is Gay) you might get a club upside the head. And no one wants to die. At least, not right off the bat.*
Instinctual Rule No. 1 of Survival: Don't Die.
Instinctual Rule No. 2 of Survival: Pursue methods of living that prevent premature death.
Instinctual Rule No. 3 of Survival: Communicate and Manipulate in a way that prevents premature death, even if what is now a note left on the fridge was originally an extra piece of mutton** on the rock slab inside the cave to assuage fellow club-holders.
And I honestly believe that passive-aggression, is a watered down, centuries upon centuries-old method of communication that has occurred around the world simultaneously in all cultures to protect oneself from being machete-ed at the camp fire.
Even still, horrific events happen all over. People can be incredibly scary. Why else are the most frightening monsters/aliens/creatures in horror films frighteningly smart in their violence (like human beings)? I mean, really, it's no wonder we have some freakin' terrible methods of avoiding conflict when you consider all those youtube comments that make you want to throw up because it's a video of Sesame Street for Christs' Sake and how in the frilly hell did you relate that to the Obama Regime being a conspiracy dictatorship that is out to kill everyone when the world will end in 2012 if not 2024 if not in 2036 because one day the world has to end and you're going to be there in some reincarnated form going "I told you so!" you insane, why-were-you-allowed-access-to-a-computer moron?
See. That's healthy anger. And breathe.
(I need a hug.)
*Get it? It's a pun. "Club" and "Right off the bat." Get it? You do get it, right?
**I'm so excited to managed to find a use for the word "mutton" today.